Venting for Sanity: A Parent’s Moment of Realness with Raising Neurodivergent Children

Please note that I am writing this in frustration at this very moment in time. So please remember that I am human with emotions and judging my instinctive thoughts is not needed. I had a day and a moment and I just need to release it. That’s all!.

There needs to be more support for parents raising autistic children when it comes to how parents deal with meltdowns, tantrums and challenging behaviours at home and in public.

I swear to goodness, I have just about had it with the behaviours that my two sons (one who is autistic, and the other one who is waiting to be diagnosed) put on in public. My goodness, my anxiety levels go through the roof when I have to take them with me and their two sisters in public. No one listens to me. Everyone is running off or lagging behind, bumping into strangers, being extremely loud, and the worst, having floor meltdowns. I don’t know what to do anymore and it’s driving me nuts. It irritates me when people think my parenting skills is the reason why my kids go on the way they do. The amount of times I have been in heated arguments with bold-ass people who feel the need to tell me how to control or raise my kids is out of this world. People can be cruel and flippin’ ignorant! They go on like they know what to do and try to preach to me what I should or should not do when they don’t even know half of it. Shoot, they probably couldn’t step in my shoes and live my life for a day without going crazy.

This role of being a mum to neurodivergent kids is not easy, especially when they are very sensory. How do I discipline them, for everything I have tried does not seem to work. I have tried soft love and tough love, but flippin-hell nothing works! Sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel and walk away. I get very envious when I see other kids out in public with their parents walking attentively and quietly while sticking close to their parents. What the hell am I not doing right as their parent? I give these kids so much love. Shoot, I spend so much money and time on finding the best things that will help them and cater to their special needs, but all this seems to go unnoticed. I would love to call on The Three Day Nanny for her to show me how to control and discipline my children, but let’s be real, will she know what to teach me when it comes to raising autistic kids? I don’t think I’ve seen an episode (and believe you me I’ve watched plenty) based around parents with autistic kids. These are not kids who fully understand the meaning of stop and the importance of listening. Their brains work differently.

A movie that I can totally resonate with is the Disney SparkShorts film called, ‘Float’, that tells the story of a father who discovers his young son has the ability to float in the air. As the boy grows up, his floating becomes more apparent and difficult to hide, leading his father to struggle with accepting his son’s unique ability while trying to protect him from a judgmental world.

The film was written and directed by, Bobby Rubio, who based the short film on his own experience with acceptance, love and challenges of parenting his autistic son. In one of the scenes, when the father takes his son to the park, his son tries to float as his father, who is embarrassed, tries his best to keep his son on the ground. However, it starts to get too overwhelming for the father and he decides to take his son home, who then starts yelling, screaming and kicking up a storm because he’s not ready to leave the park. As the father pulls his son along and his son resists, the father snaps. He pulls his son close to his face and without hesitation yells, “Why can’t you just be normal?”. Today, was one of those days for me, and for a moment I felt and thought like the father in, Float. Embarrassed by the stares, the smirks, the head shakes, the eye rolls and ignorant comments of onlookers, I carved for my sons to, ‘just be normal’.

Parenting is one of the most fulfilling, yet the most challenging thing you will ever do in your life. Add in caring for a special needs child, and it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. The pressure to fit in and appese society can be overwhelming . You start to question everything you do, and even though you love your child, you worry about what others think and yearn for them to accept and understand your child’s needs. The balance of these thoughts and feelings can be taxing on the mind, sometimes making you think you’re a shity and incompetent parent. At least that’s what I think the world perceives me to be.

Yes, it would help if people could just be more considerate and sympathetic, but what would also help is having better support and funding from the UK government through professional groups and organisations that can help, educate and train parents through the evolving challenges of raising a special needs child. Just giving us a diagnosis, touching the surface of what the diagnosis is and sending us off with a few pamphlets and links to read is not enough. We need continuous hands-on support, resources and guidance that can make a real difference for our children and ourselves.