Finding my quality of happiness so that my children will grow up thriving in life

I am on a quest to find me. To find my joy, my peace, my dreams and my purpose outside of being a mother, a wife and a child. I wear a lot of hats right now, but I feel like something is missing. I’m not gonna lie, I’m lost and confused and the last two years of my life have not helped either. I have had to deal with a second child who might be autistic and is waiting for an assessment, the challenges of homeschooling my autistic son and finding what works best for his needs across the spectrum and most recently, I have had to deal with being the power of attorney and making tough and sole decisions of finding permanent care for my mom, who has full on dementia and lives in another country. All this has not been easy, especially when I have family members who don’t agree with the choices I’ve made for my mom and have made me to feel guilty for those decisions I have had to make for me and my family. Decisions that have challenged my mental health, my physical health and my relationship with God.

I have spent the last 10 plus years appeasing everyone and putting everything of me aside. Well now, this has caught up to me because I DON’T KNOW ME! So much, that I question God’s given purpose for me. I truly want to find what makes me happy. What puts that step, kick, hop in me when I rise up out of my bed everyday.

I don’t want my reflection of what life is at the moment to trickle down onto my children because let’s be real, whatever my children see in me, they will somehow emulate in their lives some way shape or form.

This is why I’ve started journaling. To help me release the tension, anger, confusion and frustration that lives within my soul, so that I can find my happiness, and in turn, be a better person to those who I hold dear to my heart.